Spirit of fear? Why do I get anxious over things? Why do I work myself up so bad? Do I not have any trust? These are questions I've been dealing with over the past few days. You see, Kelli and I came to Morgantown thinking that I would only be up here for a few days, get some antibiotics and then come home. Tomorrow will make 3 weeks that we have been up here and now we find out that they want to do surgery on me that will take two spots off of my right lung. What? Wait a second. I thought I just needed some medicine and I would feel better. Apparently not.
I'm not going to lie to you, the thought of me having surgery, scares me somewhat. I was not expecting this, nor was I expecting to be gone so long. You may be thinking, come on Jeff, it's just surgery. If only it were that simple. To hear the doctor say we will deflate your left lung and go in and remove those spots off your right lung, put a chest tube in and then you may be on a ventilator for a couple of days, is not what I wanted to hear. You see years ago before I had Kelli and Morgan in my life I would not be so hesitant about having this surgery. I understand it might make me feel better, but now the stakes are much higher. Just thinking about this surgery get's me all worked up and anxious. I know that God will be looking out for me but for some reason, and I can't explain it, this talk of surgery has really taken a hold of me. It seems like I am the only one who feels this way too. Everybody else I've talked to about this acts like there is nothing to worry about and that there are no questions to ask, have the surgery and get it over with. I feel like saying, not so quickly my friends, you're not the one being cut open. I know there are people out there who have had surgeries more serious than this, so why is this spirit of fear so overwhelming. I even know what I have to do to overcome this feeling, but that doesn't make it any easier.
So why do we get hit with this spirit of fear so hard? I don't believe it is lack of faith or trust, however I do know it is an attack from the enemy trying to control us. I can't let that happen, so even though I know what I have to do, I guess I'm just asking that everyone continues to pray for me, especially over the next few days and weeks because I really need them not only for my physical well being but my spiritual well being also.
